Is there a general consensus on what came first—the chicken or the egg?
This week I bought the book 52 Uncommon Dates by Randy Southern.
I’m left wondering….which comes first the thought or the action?
I’ve spent much of my life believing my actions are of utmost importance.
Need more money? Work harder.
Feeling disconnected from my spouse? Go on more dates.
Lose weight? Exercise more.
Have a style? Buy clothes.
Now that I understand the power of my thoughts, I realize that how I think about money, relationships, weight, and style can have a major impact too.
In the past I would have bought this book thinking these thoughts:
“We need to have more fun.”
“We are in a rut.”
“I hope this helps me feel connected.”
In the present I bought the book thinking this thought:
“That sounds fun.”
Does it really matter?
The emotions driving my previous actions might have been desperate, frustrated, or demanding.
The emotion driving my current action is fun, excitement, and loving.
It does matter.
Is trying out some of the date ideas in this book going to make me feel more connected to my spouse? Or is thinking loving thoughts about him going to help me feel more connected? Which comes first? Actions or Thoughts?
There’s only one way to find out. Experiment time!
Is there a problem in my relationship? Do I like my relationship?
Create a hypothesis.
Test it.
Draw some conclusions.
Repeat to refine.
It may look like this:
I don’t feel connected to my husband. I plan date nights, try to start conversations, and rub his back. But I still don’t feel connected.
Hypothesis: Maybe the way I’m thinking about him is blocking us feeling connected. This week I will focus on thinking loving thoughts about him. I will think about the ways we are connected.
Draw your own conclusions and then refine. It never has to be EITHER/OR. You can combine loving thoughts and fun activities. But if those actions are coming from a place of LOVE you might find them much more enjoyable.
Or keep doing what you always do. That’s always an option to.
