You’ve gathered information. You’ve tried stuff. Things still aren’t better.
Don’t give up. If it is important to you, keep trying.
If you are on a trip and you come to a red light, you don’t throw your hands up in the air and turn around and go home. If your plane is delayed, you don’t cancel your trip. You keep pressing towards your destination. It’s going to take some work and figuring things out, but you are still going to reach for your desired result.
Become an investigator.
Look at what you’ve learned.
Ask yourself new questions.
Look for new insights.
Figure out strategies for each obstacle that presents itself.
Recently, my back started hurting. My first thought was “I must have slept funny.”
I think a lot of times we look to what happened shortly before “the incident” to diagnose the problem. But this isn’t always the case.
—Two little brothers are playing on the living room floor. Little brother hits bigger brother. We think that big brother must have done something. Could be…could not be. Maybe little brother got an ear infection two days ago and he’s just in a lot of pain and chose that moment to react. Two days ago.
—A husband and wife are getting ready for a fancy dinner party. Wife has tried on numerous outfits. Husband says, “You look amazing. Let’s go.” Wife says, “Don’t rush me! You always rush me.” Husband wonders if he rushes his wife. In reality, she’s just remember getting ready for a fancy event when she was in college. Her roommate was critical of what she was wearing and now wife is remembering that and snaps at her husband. Five years ago.
With my back pain, I think, “My back hurts. I must have slept funny. My mattress is old. I should buy a new mattress.”
Don’t always jump to the first conclusion. Is this heartburn because of what I ate for lunch? Is his anger from what I said?
Become an investigator.
Ask questions.
—Could it have been the gardening I did a couple days ago? Did I pull a muscle?
—Is it my mattress?
—Was it that new strength workout I tried?
—Did I eat something that is causing me pain?
Ask questions.
—Am I satisfied with my behavior?
—Could his reaction have to do with something else?
—Is this worth discussing or should I let it go?
We ascribe certain results to certain actions. Get clear on the correlation or the incongruity. Look for the red herrings that might be throwing you off.
Do you think there is still something to be learned?
Why is it important to you to figure it out?
