Recently I was going through my papers from when I was enrolled in life coach training. Besides curriculum notes and worksheets, it was fun to flip through my own models. The Model is the primary tool used in life coaching. It’s what brings awareness. Then you can springboard so many different directions from there.
Anyway, I remember one of my biggest concerns: I would become a zombie.
Zombie. Automaton. Robot.
I had this belief that if I didn’t say what was on my mind, that I would become a robot.
Yes, husband, that is fine that you don’t want to take out the trash.
Yes, husband, we don’t have to go to the movie I want to see.
Yes, husband, you can say whatever you want and it doesn’t have to hurt my feelings.
Here is what one of my models looked like:
Circumstance: Learning about relationships in life coach training
Thought: I’m becoming a zombie.
Feeling: Sad
Actions: Suppress most thoughts and feelings
Result: I am a zombie.
Here’s the thing. Whatever I was doing didn’t appear to be working.
Here’s one of my pre-life coach training models:
Circumstance: Trash is overflowing
Thought: I can’t believe I have to remind him every time.
Feeling: Annoyed
Actions: Tell him in exasperated voice how he’s not fulfilling his responsibilities, berate him, take the trash out myself and complain about it
Result: I find more and more evidence that I have to remind him about everything.
So I decided to test a different belief to see if I liked the results any better.
I stopped being in control of him and everything I thought he should or shouldn’t be doing. I started just being in control of myself and that’s when everything changed. I not only didn’t become a zombie, I become more alive than I ever felt in our relationship.
I was in charge of me and he was in charge of him and that was way more invigorating. In fact, I like to call what I’m experiencing now Energized Tranquility.
Life coaching wasn’t teaching me to become a Yes-Man.
Life coaching definitely wasn’t teaching me to suppress my thoughts or emotions.
Life coaching was teaching me the pattern for creating different results in my life.
Life coaching gave me the tools to break the unhealthy patterns in our relationship, to experiment on some other options, and to experience a contentment that seemed out of reach.
Don’t keep doing the same behaviors over and over hoping for new results. Decide how YOU want to show up in the relationship and experiment on what will make that happen. Don’t let your fears (fear of becoming a zombie was my fear) stop you from trying out new practices. Even if it doesn’t work, you’ll have new information. Eventually, you will hit the sweet spot and you’ll wonder why you spent so many years in a rut. Don’t waste another minute!
