I’ve been posting recently about having peaceful relationships. I really do believe it only takes one person to change the dynamics of a relationship.
But now I want you to describe what a peaceful relationship looks. Gazing longingly into each other’s eyes? Kind, calm words are exchanged? Agreeable about everything?
My parents loved each other. But there was also a lot of arguing going on. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I gained some perspective on their relationship. I was reading a book for an anthropology class I was taking and a young Japanese couple and an older Japanese couple were riding a city bus. The older couple was arguing and the young husband said to his wife, “I can’t believe they are arguing like that.” The young wife said, “Oh, it sounds like the melody of marriage.” When I started to look through the lens of my parent’s marriage as their arguing being part of their melody, it gave me a whole new perspective.
I watch my five grandchildren on Wednesdays. Occasionally there is discord. Last week as the two year olds raised their voices…ok,they were yelling at each other…and fought over a toy, I thought, “Oh, that’s the melody of children.”
We can redefine what a peaceful relationship looks like or even question whether it’s a desirable goal. We are here on earth having a human experience. That experience includes feeling all the emotions. Sometimes we will feel peace…but sometimes we will feel contentious.
The goal is to be conscious about how we are feeling and acting.
I like to think, “What would Jesus do?”
He got mad sometimes.
Sometimes conflict is necessary.
We can look at His life to see what he thought was worth the fight.
Moneychangers in the temple? Worth the fight.
Defending Himself when being accused falsely? Not worth the fight.
The worship of other gods? Worth the fight.
I’m not encouraging you to bite your tongue or agree with the other person all the time.
I’m inviting you to choose what is worth the fight.
He throws his clothes on the floor right by the hamper?
He doesn’t call when he’s going to be late?
He spends money we don’t have?
Choose one thing this week that’s worth the fight, but let all the other stuff go. It’s not all worth the fight.
Spend some time enjoying the melody-the discordant and the harmonious.
