October 18 is World Menopause Day. This wouldn’t be something that would usually catch my eye, but on October 21 (today!) it is one year since Aunt Flo came for her last visit and it feels like something to celebrate.
I searched for a poem or quote to share but nothing spoke of my experience, so I decided to write some six-word memoirs of my own.
I know everyone’s experience is individual, so please know I’m only speaking of my own experience.
(1) Twelve. Excited. Rite of Passage. Gross.
By the time I started my period, several of my friends were already talking about their experience. When they’d talk, it would sound like some kind of club I wasn’t a part of. It was a rite of passage. I was excited…for a short time. Until it just became gross and an inconvenience.
(2) Teen. Endure. Cramps….my style. Is.
From 13-19 years old, it was something I just endured. Really, what was there to do about it? It came with cramps, moodiness, and the inability to do some of the things I wanted to do. It just is what it is.
(3) Preparing the egg. Success. Mother. Grateful
It wasn’t easy for me to get pregnant but eventually happened four times. I became a mother and am so grateful for that gift.
(4) Forty years. 28 days. Clockwork. Late.
Seriously, for forty years I was regular (except for pregnancy and newborn time). Every 28 days…until it wasn’t like clockwork. I don’t know why menopause wasn’t on my mind.
(5) Panic. Pregnancy test. Relief. Just peri-menopause.
But I finally went and bought a pregnancy test. I was relieved when it was negative. Then I started to think about menopause and maybe that was what I was experiencing.
(6) Read the literature. Get scared. Symptoms.
I did the research. I wanted to know what to expect. Hot flashes. Night sweats. Mood swings. Decreased libido. Headaches. Digestive problems. Fatigue. Anxiety. Disrupted sleep. Hair loss. Memory lapses. Difficulty concentrating. Weight gain. Well you get the picture. It wasn’t anything to look forward to.
(7) Question. Allow hot flashes. Lose 10.
I’d been on a walk with a friend and she was discussing the “Menopause 10” like it was just inevitable to put on weight. I’d been going through Life Coach certification and was learning about questioning our beliefs. I wondered if weight gain was just something that happened or was just a thought that led to actions-like overeating.
I’d had some experience when I was in my 30s when I decided to question the moodiness that came every 28 days like clockwork. I wondered if it was okay to blame my period for my crankiness or if it was something that I could control. My experience was that I was choosing to be cranky and that I could choose not to be cranky too.
So I decided to question the weight gain and ended up losing 10 pounds. Ten pounds that I’d been carrying around for thirty years. The kind of weight that gets comfortable where it is and likes to linger longer.
With that under my belt, I decided to tackle the hot flashes. In Life Coach training we’d been taught to allow feelings. I wondered if allowing hot flashes would make a difference. Emotional vibrations are different than physical sensations, but it was worth a try.
I’m always cold. I joked that I looked forward to hot flashes and the warmth that would come with it. But hot flashes and night sweats weren’t the kind of warm cozy feeling I was expecting. It felt more like anxiety-a nervous heat. I didn’t enjoy it. The hot flashes and night sweats were occurring on a regular basis. When I started allowing them instead of resisting them, they were only noticeable for 30 seconds or less.
This is what resisting looked like for me: I hate these hot flashes. I shouldn’t be feeling them. I wish they would go away.
Result: The heat intensified and stayed longer
This is what allowing looked like for me: Here it comes. It’s just a hot flash. It’s okay. Nothing has gone wrong.
Result: The heat left quickly and I felt normal again.
It seems simple, but it was a game changer!
As I was doing research, I came across a quote by Staness Jonekos from “The Menopause Makeover: The Ultimate Guide to Taking Control of Your Health and Beauty During Menopause.” She said, “What you believe can change your experience.” I’m a believer.
(8) Menopause. Excited. Rite of Passage. Welcome.
So, here I am. I am excited. I’ve come full circle. It does feel like a rite of passage. And I say goodbye to the last forty years and WELCOME to what is to come.
