A basic human need is to feel connected.
How we connect varies greatly.
I admire my daughter who can strike up a conversation with the salesperson ringing up her purchases. There is a connection for that brief moment. Recently I was getting a pedicure and wanted to follow her example to have a connection with the pedicurist. I literally thought for a few minutes before I started the conversation, “What do we have in common?” “Where do I start?”
Do you think that about your connection with your teen? “What do we have in common?” “Where do I start?”
Connect with your teen by remembering the acronym DOTS.
Disconnect from social media. President Nelson initially invited youth to a 7-day social media fast. Then he invited those attending the 2018 General Women’s session to “participate in a 10-day fast from social media.” He went on to say, “The effect of your 10-day fast may surprise you.” What if disconnecting from social media was the key to connecting with your teen. Would you do it? How often are we scrolling while someone is talking to us? Or they are scrolling while we are talking to them? Putting the phone down sends a message that we are ready and available for having a human in-person connection. Scrolling has the opposite affect. It sends the message I’m busy.
Open up to new ways of feeling connected. I fall into the trap that being connected means having this deep, meaningful heart-to-heart talk that leads to an emotional bond. What if we can connect through a smile, a text, or a kind word? Entertain the idea that you don’t have to go on a 7-day Disney Cruise to connect but can do small acts that go a long way. Coronavirus has certainly given us the opportunity to look at feeling connected in different ways.
Try again and again and again. My first attempt at conversation with the pedicurist fell flat. So did the second attempt. Success is in the trying. Eventually the stars align and we find a topic, a gesture, or a shared moment that sparks the connection.
Spend time together. Some people experience love at first sight. An immediate connection. But for many of us that connection develops over time. Maybe you’ve been “stuck” with your family since March and are thinking, “I’m sick of spending time with these people.” How can you make the time you spend with them more meaningful?
Connecting the dots was more than just a fun children’s past time. It also helped them learn hand-eye coordination and numerical skills. Connecting the dots with our teens can also be a fun learning experience as we play with new ways to connect and reveal a more satisfying relationship.
